15.34 on 10.29

Halloween is sooooooooooo close! but I'm so confused. It feels like someone literally put me on one of those old carosels and is spinning me forever. I'm spinning, every component of me is just spinning into oblivion. Help. Someone. Just help me..

20.09 on 10.28

Truely no one posts anymore... only to tell me to post... *GLARE* Well my birthday is in 5 days now. Yesterday we had my birthday sleepover for my school friends... we all ended up crying! Today we had tie-dye and i had to bully Matt into coming... *pout* and i only got my second full on hug... not a kiss... even though a presented situations for it! Arg... At least Zach was there to try and lift me from depression. Ask for more details... But I'm definitly still dying inside... for more reasons now... got to go... I've got to get this tie-dye off my leg

19.41 on 10.20

Sam is over... until tomorrow... No one comments on blogs anymore... I miss Matt... he's at his brother's college. I'm so bored... Yea... HI SAM! Life sux... oops... sux is officially a word I cannot say in the presence of my mother... I get pepper on my tongue... which doesn't burn until five minutes after the fact... which is odd... so why threaten kids with it? The world is odd. And if you haven't heard yet... I don't trust adults anymore... and I think I'm actually the only person from my side of town (the way bad side) who is in any of these, e language arts, geometry in 8th grade, orchestra, or studio orchestra! I'm some freak... wowers... I MISS HIM! I'm gonnna go see if me and Sam can watch a movie or something... ttyl... yea, so wat if I'm depressed? I LEARNED TO TEXT USING T9!!!!!!

Nightmare

Yes... surprise, surprise... the one day I get to sleep in I get a nightmare! And it was horrible... though Matt was in it! *dance with happiness* I got dropped off the side of an ampitheatre by the leader of a punk group. Matt caught my wrist as I was falling. And the punk dude had the GAUL to ask Matt a question, "Would you marry her if she was about to die?" I was screaming yes in my head... I the idiot who wants anyone to die knowing that the love is that strong... Guess what he said. Yea... he said "No." At that I just gave up, if he wasn't gonna be serious, than why continue. I let go of his hand. And I fell. Fell to the bottom... And I didn't die! Of course they all came rushing to the bottom where the punk guys laughed at my situation... And Matt was all apologetic. But I was dead inside even if my body hadnt stopped. It goes on... but I can't get him saying "No." so bluntly out of my head... I know it would never happen. Even though I was 17 in the dream... It's just... I never date guys unless they are perspectives for a life-long relationship... what is wrong with me? My hopes are to high... *turns into the cornor and starts crying*

Rec Night last night

Yes I know its the next day... but I'm responding to rec night... OH MY GOD!!! IT WAS SSOOOOO HOT!!! I swear I was going die of heat exhaustion I was sweating so much... We danced... even though I probably scared everybody but Matt, and Dee. :D Yea... I'm not gonna elaborate on that! Though I hated all the supervision?!?!?!?! And Matt's mom was there too, *shrinks under a rock*. :D at least I got lots of hugs... and I got to semi-dance with him... well me dancing... and most likely him just standing there... (drooling i think). He leaned on me a lot, and I got to half-sleep on his shoulder for almost 7 minutes!!!! And than I got couple arm-around-the-shoulders! So over all it was good, could have used some cold weather, less supervision, and less dance remixs! I can't wait until the charity dance!

13.45 on 10.14

Autumn Blaze rocked! And my church now has no youth choir... I am so pissed I think I'll make a contemporary Christian rock group! And nothing lives up to BLAST-YOUR-EARS-OUT LOUD CONCERT ROCK!!!!! I want that again!
The depressing thing is I have to practice violin for two hours, run a mile, bike at least two miles, and do 24 geometry problems, highlight four pages for computers *glare at ariella*, than do my most influential living person paragraph!
And on top of that... I'm half back on the market... I don't want to be... But me and Matt are drifting apart *moans into an endless night* I dont want this to happen... I'll give it some time... but... I dont think I can break up with him.

18.28 on 10.11

My new book is AWSOME! Its Model Spy by someone... who I can't remember at the moment... we don't have as much homework tonight! AND I titled my new short story... it is Imaginary Lines... it sounded awsome in science and still sounds awsome... Geometry Extra Help was WAY cool! I'm so sad all of you had to miss out... It was like 10 Algebra I kids and Jill and me! But I found out Mr. Homa is a Bridadier General in BattleField 2141... i think that's the game! I think I'll go even if I DONT need help! It's awsome! Off to do my 3 geo problems, and highlight 21 pages on tsunamis then do my writing workshop! Have a good night

16.03 on 10.10

And I the idiot... forgot to tell you all... IT RAINED FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A MONTH LAST NIGHT! Thank God... I was getting worried and was beginning to think I was starting a drought... And there is supposedly a nor'easter coming in on Friday...

15.57 on 10.10

Yea... I know I should be doing my homework instead of coming home and drinking four tall glasses of chocolate milk and finishing Tam Lin by Pamela Dean... WHICH IS AWSOME! And then getting on the computer... well whatever... Should I update to AIM 6.5? And why is no one updating their blogs or COMMENTING! I might be pushed to actually put the tiny plaid ninjas up... you would all love them... I thank God for Dee, *bows* and her cell phone... last night and today I creamed her by saying I love her more... IN A JOKING MANNER... It is now our chocolate chip cookie joke! :D So that has inspired me to start the second installment in my four book set... It doesn't have a title yet... But Imaginary Lines sounds really sick! I'll be back later... I seriously have to start my humungo workload before I leave at 16.30 to go to private lessons... BUT AVA'S AT SPEARS!!!! So I just thank God again that I have the house to myself... and she stops walking in on me while I'm on the computer and doing stuff... Ta Ta For Now!!!!! :) luv u all

16.15 on 10.9

Does no one not love the Star Wars Bagpipes... and LEGO people? Than... if you do hate them I SHALL SHUN U! Just got back from Studio... was the third stop on the late bus... and now I'm hungry... I'll go eat... and do all my homework... AND PRACTICE MY SYMPHONY 8 "UNFINISHED" PART!!!!!! Like Mr. Simon told us.... Au revoir

21.59 on 10.6

Hi all... Back from South Jersey... Mom-Mom's 85... Nana has liver cancer... Why is life so depressing? This will be like my eleventh funeral... Death is like a CLOUD around me... Turns out I missed a quiz on Friday in Geometry... I'm just getting over the hives... I should be back in school on Tuesday... AND I AM SOOOO MAD! There's nothing I can do with Matt this weekend... I have babysitter on Monday... and tomorrow my mom's going solo with the kids while my dad has a buisness meeting... this SUCKS!

9.37 on 10.5

Yes... as you can see... I'm obviously NOT in school. The "bug bite"/rash is now four inches in diameter, we have an appoinment with the pediatrician at 10.15. I miss you all so much... right now i think it is gym class... i hate this... and I am never staying home from school again. Plus there's all this junk I was supposed to do in school today, tb 1, turn in final draft and second draft and first draft of Wood and Stone, turn in first and second draft of the poem I wrote... Beg the teacher running the Veteran's Day History Project to let me turn in my permission slip... And work on my Power Point, which I think needs a lot of work, and is due on tuesday... SO IM DOOMED... g2g bi

16.07 on 10.4

It is so awsome to type french on the computer! And I finished my geometry in school! All I have left is my french on the computer, my ss project, my writing workshop, my 2nd draft of the poem, my final, than the highlighting, than Girl Scouts... busy... so got to go... BYE

15.14 on 10.3

Does anyone care anymore? Again... I feel like something invisible is ripping me apart... I have so much good as everyone keeps on pointing out... but does anyone ever bother to look into it and see that such goodness is a curse? I can't tell poison from drink... right from wrong... enemy from friend... pain from happiness... hurt from love... someone needs to reach into me and just pull out all that hurt... I need help. I'm sorry that I can only find the courage to say what I need over the internet.
In truth... I am finally dying inside.

14.54 on 10.1

Wow... It's October... how could so much have happened? I'm in Studio Orchestra... First rehersal is tomorrow... WHAT THE?!?!?!?!? MY SISTER JUST HACKED MY AIM?!?!?!?! Argh... God does want to screw with my mind... I'm not even going to bother going into what went wrong at school today... Back to what I was saying.... I'm not cracked up for Studio... So why am I in... at ninth chair in 2nd violin? I suppose I should go do my homework and sell girl scout cookies... Oh yea... NEWSFLASH!!!! I got my first kiss... I'm no longer a lip virgin... but nothing feels different... Should it?