18.10 on 1.29

I feel almost ready to scream! My whole right shoulder is in knots, and it has me gritting my teeth to type this now... ugh... I hate this kind of pain that never disapeers or fades...

yelling fills the house again...

14.31 on 1.27

You know... this sucks... who would ever guess that it would hurt this bad... I HATE GOING THROUGH THIS! No one is noticing... anything... and the odd thing is... I don't think I'll be able to survive this seige of my defenses... This is bad... In third grade I could bounce back, I'm not resilient anymore

15.07 on 1.24

It's funny how I lie to myself...

Seams Are Ripping More

My stupid new year's resolution was going to be to stand up for myself and let no one walk all over me... trust me... i say this with tears slipping down my cheeks... it didn't work...

I hate me, I hate the way I let some friends order me around, I hate how I let some of my friends think I have a thick shield so that allows them to insult me and push me around, I hate how everything was going so well and now everything is stabbing me in the back, I hate how I'm falling out of sync with my world, I hate how I let anyone take advantage of me, I hate how I'm finally breaking down hidden within my walls so that no one else can see my tears and try to wipe them away.

I'm never going to learn, so I don't see why you're even bothering to try and teach me anything.

16.36 on 1.22

The shadows overwhelm the muted light, the harsh light i shrink from... i am consumed by a new and unknown beast...

15.42 on 1.20

Yes, it's my sister's birthday today... I also have a ton of work to get done... I don't know if I'll be able to finish... I have -science: current events article summary, -writing: memoir, -reading: independent book summary... may not look like a lot but it is... :'(

18.03 on 1.18

Dear everyone,
Okay I'm sorry... get it? I'm sorry. I never know anything. I'm sorry because I just can't do it anymore... I need help, but I doubt anyone will be willing to give it. If I have been acting out, lashing out, hurting your feelings, or ANYTHING else... just yell at me... my only excuse is that I'm having a lot of turmoil in my life and I'm trying to find my place again... but I guess that is no excuse. I don't see why I try... Whatever I say I just end up hurting someone else... You should all be happy that you haven't lost me yet, but why should you care? I just wonder how many more shields can be ripped off. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm trying to figure out if I should be who I really am, which would make you all turn away... or to continue wearing this mask which makes you able to deal with me. I'm just too confused... but that is no excuse. Make your judgement over me, because I'm tired of hanging in the balance.

Consider talking to me... but only if you want to... you may not want to... you may not ever want to again.....

16.54 on 1.17

Can't feel my teeth... braces are an advanced form of torture... I now have four rubber bands in my mouth, two on each side.... I still need to write my play critique and then go to the orchestra concert... OUCH! THE MOTRIN ISNT WORKING AND SOMEONE STOLE MY ADVIL!!!!

20.45 on 1.16

Hello all! FREAK OUT MODE COMMENCE NOW!!! AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! I CANT DO THIS!!!! I NEED TO DO ALL MY NORMAL HOMEWORK TOMORROW AND DO MY PLAY CRITIQUE AND MY ORCHESTRA CONCERT!!!! KILL MEEEEE!!! okay... I'm done ranting now... I might actually be able to get it done... on some lightning bolt of genius... some chance of God... help me please God

16.06 on 1.16

Hi all... this day was actually more okayish... I got to see Feng more because we weren't in the library anymore... that made me happy... and I'm gonna focus on my homework fully after this, so don't be expecting to hear from me for a while... There's sooo much stuff...

-Science: study for district test and find two #2 pencils

-Social Studies: Eleanor packet

-Geometry: pg 281 #1-6, pg 283 #15-18

-English: Writing: play critique and memoir

Reading: Independent Reading Book Assignment--> summary, vocab words, and advertisement

Both: Take notes from internet sources and book sources and type up works cited

Yea... least to say.... I'm swampped... ciao!

19.07 on 1.14

Sry I haven't been doing very long posts lately... I just don't have it in me anymore... writing block is slowly drowning me like quicksand... Its odd, is it just me or does no one check my blog... i hardly ever get any posts while i check everyone elses every day... hmmmmmm

My world is gone

The stark reality is... I had so much, so many chances for my future... and now my whole world is ripped to pieces


Ask me if you really wanna know... just thank God that I can never go emo.

16.33 on 1.7

Glory! Happy days! I just finished my short story Deepening Colors which will be my third in the chronicle... I can't wait to type it up! post if you want a copy!

19.47 on 1.2.08

Oh... happy new year everyone... and a sad newsflash has just come up.... WINTER BREAK IS OVER AND WE'RE BACK IN SCHOOL! *gaspy face* oh my! whatever shall we do? *faints*